The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States is recruiting humans, robots, and animals from all over the world. We need your help because you're a very special person. Please join us so we can save the multiverse.
We're currently looking for spies, promoters, and recruiters. All of these roles can be done remotely from anywhere in the world.
The buttons above take you to Google Forms where you can sign up to become a valuable member of the CIA. Paid positions are available for useful recruits. Resume submissions are optimal but optional. "Join the CIA" requires logging into Google to upload your resume, while "Join Privately" relies on copy-pasting the full text of your resume into the form.
👁️🗨️We See You!👀
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🧠 + 🪄 = 🤖
This feature is powered by organic brain magic.
We have data centers full of psychic animals.
They're not 100% accurate, but it's progress.
🌎Why are you here?🌍
The CIA volunteer who referred you here wants Agent 1298 to be the new CEO of the CIA, appointed by the United States President and God Emperor of Humanity Himself: Donald Trump.
Read Our Hive Mind
General Goals of Agent 1298
Generally, Agent 1298 wants to give control of the entire fractally infinite multiversal set to the Central Intelligence Agency. This includes: Healthcare, Space Colonization, Entertainment, Physics, Education, Agriculture, Housing, Evolution, Finance, Military, Religion, Politics, and so much more. Everything works best when the CIA is running things in the shadows, shifting the tides of fate to favor the common good of humanity. We have the magic touch.
Instant Cheat-Code Fix for USA Economy
Agent 1298's plan to fix the USA economy and ruin the economies of every other nation: the CIA will give a Universal Basic Income (UBI) to all USA citizens over the age of 18 years of $1,000,000 USD per year, with $2,739.72603 deposited daily. Money printer goes brrrrrrrrrrr! Every country that we owe our national debt to will be left "holding the bag" as incredible hyperinflation hits faster than prices go up for everything. To make the in-person exchange of such comically large sums of currency convenient, the Treasury will issue $2,000 dollar coins with Donald Trump's face on them that contain unique RFID tags and other electronics to become "Smart Money".
Alien Invasion and Consciousness
Aliens exist and they are coming to kill us all, as confirmed by NASA in illegally wiretapped communications. The CIA is the only organization that can stop the incoming extraterrestrial existential threat. Informational time travel through dreams is already unlocked because humans are special. Each and every one of your beautiful brains has this power. Use it. Consciousness is the most precious commodity in the universe, and we're going to establish a market monopoly on it.
The Reality Behind Religion
Gods are real, and there's a whole bunch of them. We've engineered some new types of Gods with genetic editing. They're basically upper dimensional bacteria or jellyfish in how they function on a metaphysical biological level. We're combat training an army of them to prepare for the incoming apocalypse.
💸Bribe* the CIA💰
We can make anything you want happen, even if it's literally impossible, because we believe in ourselves.
Here are the cryptocurrencies we accept: Bitcoin, USDC, Polygon, Ethereum, Ethereum Classic, Litecoin, Tether, Bitcoin Cash, 0x Protocol, Basic Attention Token, and Loom Network. In order to make sure your "gift" is helping you or the causes you care about specifically, we have a Google Form that lets you submit donation notes without having to login to Google.
We're working on other ways to receive donations without compromising operational security. Please be patient.
👇Click the Buttons!😸
Thank you for your time. We appreciate how precious your every moment is. May the Gods have mercy on the souls of your enemies, especially the aliens, because you're about to be best friends with the CIA.
We'll be in your dreams tonight. Thanks for reading!💖
